Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Dubya Talks Turkey

free dating sites over 50 As part of Cranelegs' never ending search for the truth about the world around us, I was able to get a few unprecedented moments with President Bush--alone. I got right to the questions you have on your minds and heard first-hand from the leader of the free world. I think you'll find the President's frankness and openness refreshing during this no-holds-barred interview.

(08/31/2006, 07:23 AM: complete unedited transcript: White House Gym locker room)

Cranelegs: So Mr. President, first I'd like to thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to speak with me.

Mr. President: Just taking a break from the treadmill. Caught me at a good time. Hope ya don't mind the sweat. Heh! Heh!

Cranelegs: Not at all sir. Again thanks. Let me start by asking, have you heard of Cranelegs?

Mr. President: Can't say I have. Good name for ya though, with those pretzels for calves you have. Heh! Heh!

Cranelegs: You are quick Mr. President.

Mr. President: Call me Dubya. I love nicknames when no one's around.

Cranelegs: Okay, Dubya. Anyway, that is how I got my nickname, my skinny legs.

Dubya: Yeah, I can see that. I would have called you Stick Boy, but Cranelegs is good.

Cranelegs: So, Cranelegs is my website. It's a site for humor. Maybe not right now, but usually. You know, poking fun at stuff.

Dubya: Yeah, well ya came to the right place then. Heh! Heh!

Cranelegs: So let's see. One of my regular visitors wants to know what's your favorite barbeque?

Dubya: Favorite barbeque? Yeah. Um ... pig on a rotis-ree, slow cooked over mesquite coals. Sometimes I imagine it's Osama with a big ole apple in his mouth. Yeah, I look forward to that day--think that'll require a little extra hot sauce on the side. Yeah.

Cranelegs: Well speaking of Osama, do you have any idea when that day may come?

Dubya: When that day will come? Yeah ... um ... September 11th, 2008, two months before the big election. There will be one heck of a barbeque at the ranch. Might even invite that Campfire Girl lady who's been settin' tents outside the ranch there.

Cranelegs: Ya mean Cindy Sheehan?

Dubya: That her name? Seems like a good cause. Campfire girls.

Cranelegs: She's protesting the war. She lost a son.

Dubya: No, that's just the liberal press. Rovey told me she is looking for contributions for the campfire girls. She's on our side. Good Christian woman, even Methodist, I've been told.

Cranelegs: Ya might want to check that out.

Dubya: No need to, Rovey's been doin' a good job. Yeah, 9/11/2008, we plan to have Too Tall all skewered up and basted in bacon fat. Pork Chop's already dieting in preparation so he can partake.

Cranelegs: Too Tall? Pork Chop, sir?

Dubya: Bin Laden and Cheney.

Cranelegs: I don't understand. How can you be so sure of the date you'll have him?

Dubya: It's all part of a classified plan, even if it requires a look-a-like--a double. Already have three candidates in Gitmo as we speak. Ah, I can smell the sweet mesquite smoke now. Makes ya kind of hungry.

Cranelegs: But sir isn't that a little underhanded?

Dubya: I understand that. Good people thinkin' that's underhanded. Makin' a political thing out of it. I understand. But they would be wrong minded. Ya see, the American people need to be safe. Ya can't leave that up to the Democrats. We'll make ya safe even if we have to make it up. Cause people are frightened.

Cranelegs: But Dubya, aren't you guys the ones that scared us in the first place?

Dubya: Not me! I think you're talkin' about Cheney and Rumsfeld. Hell, those boys scare me. Some of the bedtime stories Pork Chop reads me are bone chillin'. I mean, the American people know that our troops are the bravest!

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